over the past a few weeks a few things have happened that have really readjusted my mindset and my heart.
i apologize in advance if this is a.) too long b.) really scattered but here it goes anyway.
it’s been no secret that i have struggled with my body. gaining, losing, tight pants, skinny pants. it’s more than just size, food it’s feeling. it’s a mindset. you can put on that plastic mask of happy over whatever you may be feeling and nobody would be the wiser.
this is about more than weight loss i promise.
i guess you could say this series of events happened when i went to barnes and nobles before my vacation and finally picked up a book that my mom has been telling me to read for over a year.
i was like ugh fine i’ll quick read it on the beach and make her happy.
i’d like to preface this by saying, i do not read a lot of “Christian books”. i have a very pessimistic (right, wrong indifferent) about such books. mostly because 99% of them are lame. sorry. when they ask me “how do you think God wants you to live your life” well if i knew that i wouldn’t have to read this book. or a lot of times they call you ‘girlfriend’ or ‘sister’ sorry no speaka my language. getting off topic here but you can understand why i’d rather have bamboo shoots shoved under my fingernails than read some of these self help books. but i picked it up. you know to make my mom happy.
after reading all of my healthy dosage of smut (confessions of a shopaholic series book, a couple magazines, business books) i had one left. the book my mom wanted me to read.
FINE i said, knowing she would ask me about it. i took it with me to the pool the next day. i sat in my chair in a cover up of course not a chance i would be caught right now in a bathing suit. i read the book in a matter of two days.
now to be clear, the author did throw in a lot of “girlfriend” and “sisters” but her points were incredible.
the book is called made to crave. it’s about how we as humans are created as creatures who crave but somewhere along the lines we misplace our craving for God with things like money, power, shopping, alcohol, food etc.
along with my weight struggles i’ve also had those ‘where are you God’ struggles. the ‘why are you not going along with my plan God’ struggles.
there is a connection to being on the same page with God and being in tune with yourself.
in the book the author talks about how are bodies hold no secrets. if we abuse alcohol, our bodies will show the signs, if we over eat they show the signs.
but here is the thing managing your weight/getting healthy is not easy peesy lemon squeezy. it’s work. it’s hard work and you can’t do it alone. that is where you need God.
this may not be what this verse was initially intended for but John 14:3 comes to my mind.
” If I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back again and receive you to Myself, that where I am there you may also be.”
God has already done the hard stuff. remember that stint in the dessert? that one where the devil offered him up some bread after fasting 40 days? God has prepared a place for you and he will bring you there too.
on the final night of the trip, joe and i were walking back from dinner along the beach. there was not a cloud in the night sky and the stars were absolutely incredible. we stopped and sat on some beach loungers looking up at the sky. just laying there looking up. i felt this overwhelming sense over me saying “i am a lot bigger than you, and i have given you everything you need to succeed”
it’s only been a few days… like well four but i have just decided this is it. i’m going to, with God’s help, work on this body and get it healthy so i can move on to greater things. (ironically it’s fat tuesday and the news keeps broadcasting fat tuesday donuts).
i just keep repeating to my self
“God you are bigger than me, you have given me everything i need to succeed, i am MORE than this cycle”
so far it seems to be working.
for those of you who might be going through anything similar i highly (and i guess so does my mom) recommend this book. it has fundamentally changed my life, my way of thinking and my quest to know God more.
there are a few other things going on but i’ll continue this later. i think this is enough for one day.
happy fat tuesday :/0