i’ve always been a working mom but i guess now it’s 100% official as otto is currently in his first day of “school”. guys. it’s hard. everyone tells you that having kids is hard. it’s a life adjustment yadda yadda yadda because it is. but no one can prepare you for how your heart changes. it just does. you’re constantly torn between this life that you once had, the life you have now and what you want your life to look like. it. is. HARD.
this isn’t about the confidence i have in the center we chose. they are so thorough and legal and all that necessary stuff that i have full confidence that otto will be in the best care. it really comes down to two things. 1.) fear of me missing something. 2.) fear of illness. we have had all the green lights from all our doctors that otto can tolerate illness just fine. i mean don’t go throwing him in the ball pit at chuck e cheese in january but by all means he is a “normal” boy. he can tolerate common colds etc. but it’s just the fear of how we had to live last year it’s hard to shake. we barely left the house with him. our hands were dry (and will most likely again be) dry from washing and sanitizing and it was just a different kind of caution. the other fear is that i’m going to miss something. nothing on this planet brings me more joy than witnessing a new mile stone in ottos life. but i’m also hopeful that he will grow more developmentally by watching his new friends.
i’ve tried to approach this with all the rational i can and i’ve chosen to make this commitment to myself and to otto. if he is going to be in daycare 3 days a week then i need to stay dedicated and make the absolute most use of this time. get that work done, get that screen time in and bust it out hard so that when the end of the day comes i have nothing to wrap up and can spend my time with him doing what we need to do. i’m not saying that i’m a machine day in and day out but i am going to have to be more dedicated about how i spend my time and work.
i also need to understand that there is no such thing as the perfect wife, mother, daughter, person. i’m not perfect. we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect. (thanks a lot social media) my focus is going to be on present over perfect. life moves so fast as i’m learning more and more and there is nothing you can do to slow it down but you can savor it instead. part of savoring it is not wasting time trying to make it so perfect.
do you mind if i just keep rambling? because i’m kind of a mess this morning.
let’s ramble on about this past weekend shall we? while we are on the topic of savoring time.
our tiny sector of the albers clan went to chicago for the weekend. it was 90 degrees and we have no a/c so naturally we went to a different place that it was also 90 degrees but got a hotel room. we first went to a flea market just outside of chicago. we breezed through it because it was hot (luckily the barns had A/c) and then headed downtown.
we stayed at the sofitel in downtown chicago. great location, great staff and kid friendly. we were able walk to michigan ave. and all the fun restaurants around it. we took a long walk before dinner in an effort to tire out the tot. it did not work. so we moved on to dinner at beatrix and it was one of the best meals i’ve had in a long long time.i had the flank steak and joe had homemade ricotta ravioli and it was phenomenal. we walked around to a few shops after that before ending the night in the hotel lobby. again otto was not about sleep so he enjoyed the night life with mom and dad.
the next morning we slept in and grabbed breakfast at wildberry before hitting up a few more shops and heading home just in time for a night swim and dinner. it was a lovely way to explore a city (new to tot) and spend some family time before a busy week.
thank you everyone for all of the support and prayers for otto’s first day. we’re so grateful for our otto team.0