i can’t believe that this little goldfish is 28 weeks today. it some respects it seems like such a short amount of time but when i measure things in seasons it feels like i’ve been pregnant since the dawn of time. all things considered i’ve felt pretty good this pregnancy. i’ve had mild sickness and big food aversions the first trimester, mild back pain the second and so far into the third nothing has changed with the exception of insane heart burn. like i feel like i’m having a heart attack kind of heart burn. which hey i eat about half as much as i could because of it so maybe it’s my bodies way of keeping me on track haha.
i must be honest though i’ve been having a real hard time with a few things while physically being pregnant. i struggle with my body image and seeing the number on the scale climb. being someone who has struggled with eating disorders in the past it’s really really hard to just know that you are going to be getting bigger and there is nothing you can do about it. most will tell you to remind yourself that you are growing a beautiful human life. that is so true and i’m not discounting that at all but if you’ve experienced the mind F-ing of an eating disorder you know that you side drive all the positive and focus on the one thing. big. i’ve been working really really hard to combat those negative thoughts and feelings and continue my workout routine, (try) to eat healthy by monitoring the cravings and not indulging in every single one. which is much easier said than done.
the other struggle is the past. sometimes i feel that by getting overly excited about this pregnancy discounts or discredits the memory and importance of my first pregnancy. it’s hard to describe into words. it’s almost like my mind is telling me to take a step back and that i can’t get too excited because that would be disrespecting the memory of the first. i don’t know if this makes any sense but it comes and goes in waves. i am also teetering back and forth all the time that something could still go wrong. every single ultrasound we’ve had the tech’s have found something to investigate further which does nothing to help. NOTE: so far each issue has resolved itself so far. thanks be to God. but you just brace yourself for the call that something isn’t right for real this time.
i’m not trying to sound so negative. with every movement and kick i feel joy and excitement that this life is going on inside of me. i’m just trying to be honest with you because we live in a society that only shows the most happy and joyous moments on social media. meanwhile behind the filter real life is going on and there are some icky and scary moments amongst all the beauty. and there truly is so much beauty.
well except that one time my trainer was making me do some leg lifts and i let out the loudest fart and she was polite and pretended not to hear it but i totally busted myself by giggling from embarrassment and couldn’t stop.
beauty you know?
let’s talk about some of the fun sides of 28 weeks. i feel like i finally look pregnant and not just bloated. i was in an elevator the other day and someone asked me “is this your first?” i thought he was referring to the elevator floors i was like no fifth please. then i realized what exactly he was asking me. tempted to ask what he meant i was nice lol and said yep. walked out of that elevator with a little pep in my step that guess it must be real because strangers are feeling confident enough to ask about it haha.
joe and i have both been in full on nesting mode i guess you could say. we have been working hard on getting projects done and prepped around the house and pentwater. trying to be ahead of schedule before baby comes.
i have officially ordered the wallpaper for the babies nursery but you are going to have to wait until it’s up to see it 😉
other than that things are good. my appetite is back (clearly) and i’m enjoying cooking again. we decided on a daycare which is an entire story in itself that i’ll share later. i guess you could say life is good good good for joe, me, goldfish, dogs, chickens and sheep.
ps NO LAMB YET FROM BETTY! she’s a faker.