here we are at eight months. a little over actually i’m never on time. but i’ll say what i say every month.. HOW IS MY BABY 8 MONTHS OLD!? i was talking to a friend the other day about how fast babies grow and it just seems like having a human around that is changing and evolving so quickly really puts in perspective how fast our lives are actually moving. time is something you cannot physically adjust or change it just continues to go so fast.
april is kind of a big month for us. it was our “goal” when we busted out of the hospital in october the doctors wouldn’t give us an exact timeline for his next surgery but they said our goal would be april or eight months of age for a better surgical outcome. and here we are eight months old, just shy of 20lbs and we don’t even have another cardiology appointment until memorial day. to say God is good is a vast understatement.
i had some serious car convo’s on a weekend road trip that really made me continue to think long after we were home. a friend of mine mentioned that we see and feel God the most in times of brokeness. she shared this quote
“your most profound and intimate experiences of worship will likely be in your darkest days – when your heart is broken, when you feel abandoned. when your out of option. when the pain is great – and you turn to God alone.”
– Rick Warren
that quote his so close to home because it was so true for me. time and time again i’ve said and relieved the story of when otto was out of surgery and not doing well. i physically, mentally and emotionally did everything in my power to make him better. none of it worked. it wasn’t until that i laid on that gross comforter with my palms up and said FINE. like a child that know they had done wrong but didn’t want to admit they needed help. FINE God you take this. your will be done but whatever it is give me the strength to make it through this.
God has been faithful to that. We have had some trials and tribulations (that whole…no eating thing) but honestly we have been given this strength to make it through these uncertain times. something that i keep saying to myself when I find my mind wandering down the paths of what if’s and fighting the urge to metaphorically cut myself with googling things that will send me in to a tailspin of worry is “yes there will come a day where we will have to face the fact that Otto will most likely need another surgery. but that day is NOT today and today i am going to show him how beautiful this world can be”.
my goal, my lifes mission is to show otto the beauty of this world. and to make him know that yes his mama worries but she loves greater than she worries. that she trusts more than she fears. the only way to do that is to actually live it. it’s amazing how in tune to their surroundings children are. I want otto to keep fighting, to keep growing and he can’t do that when his biggest earthly form of support is walking around in fear all the time.
now i’m not saying i’m perfect i have found myself plenty of times slipping down the dark path of googling worst case scenarios but i’m learning to fight that, combat it and see that it really does not provide answers. google can’t tell me the future. only God can show me how to live in this present.
so now here we are. with an eight month old otto. he waves bye bye, shakes his head no and said his first word (MAMA). i couldn’t have been more proud. in fact the day he said it I kept making him say it all day to the point where we were at brunch and joe had to shushshhh me i was saying it so loud back to him. what can i say i’m thrilled his first word was MAMA.
he much prefers to be sitting up by himself although he can’t get there himself yet. we are still working on eating, crawling and tummy time but we have officially been discharged from physical therapy and one feeding therapist this month. which is so bittersweet because the women in the field coming to see him have been with us since he was born. however these releases mean progress and slowly but surely we are making our way towards some normalcy whatever that may mean.
in the meantime we are continuing to take life day by day. soaking up the beautiful moments where we can go get groceries as a family, out to dinner, vacation and more. anything bad just seems so far away. we are so incredibly grateful for these moments of calm.
we are also so grateful for the prayer warriors in otto’s life. we wouldn’t be here without your constant lifted prayers. thank you so much. please keep going.
abby joe and otto