otto craig is four months old

technically otto craig was four months old last week but you know how that goes. i can’t believe it but then again i can. this has been the longest shortest 4 months of my life. i think back to all we have gone through in these past few months and it makes things just seem like a lifetime. nicu stay, picu stays, doctor visits, heart surgery, home just everything packed into four months. and this is the first couple days where i look at him and i’m like… he doesn’t really look like a tiny baby anymore. probably because he’s just so close to that 14lb mark.

so so much has changed since his first surgery. he is just so happy. if he isn’t mad from being bothered at therapy he is smily this huge gummy smile from ear to ear and it seriously just melts me. he babbles and babbles and almost gets so excited to talk back he can’t make a sound to come out. like he sounds exasperated to tell you what is going on. it’s hilarious.

we call his changing pad the “wild man zone” i don’t know if it’s the texture or the sound it makes when he gets placed on it but it seriously turns him into an absolute wild man. he kicks and giggles and squirms and turns to his side…. which is hilarious but not when trying to change a poo poo diaper.

yesterday we had to go back to the hospital and have some icky renal tests done and he seriously didn’t even cry. as he was being rocked side to side on this board every time he would flip back up he would give a little side smile. it took every urge not to rip him off the velcro and make a run for it.

after all the tests and ultrasounds we went to starbucks and met a new friend in the comfy chairs. do you ever look at another mom and think “dang shes good” i just sat watching her with her son which sounds creepy because it kind of is but soon enough we were talking about our boys (love saying that) and it turns out her son had avsd too! he did not have the valve issue but had the second surgery to correct the aortic arch which they think might be just fine on otto (growth will tell). it was so encouraging to see him eating and energetic. he was there for a check up too. it was nice to talk to a mom who has been through it. and she’s local so that’s exciting. these little moments are just light. light and little gifts given to ease anxiety and show that things are going to end up okay no matter how they end up and i just have to keep reminding myself that.

it’s easy for me to get caught up in the “bad news”. he’s not doing this or that. but i can say that we are doing whatever we can for him, otto is so happy, he is growing he is just…. a gift. and i am grateful for the opportunity to spend another month at home.