yesterday was a gift. in all of this, once i found out we were having a c section i prayed, God on top of everything else i have been asking for please just give us the planned part. let joe and i have one more planned out day together to prepare ourselves for the journey that lies ahead. i’m so grateful for yesterday. we relaxed, reminisced, connected and prepared our hearts for what is to come today (if you can even do that). we had coffee together then went to the coffee shop we went to in college on dates. we walked the framers market and talked about our farm and how fun it will be to take the goldfish there someday. we had a picnic on the beach and watched sailboats all afternoon. we worked and prepped the garden and animals for a few days way and finished with dinner at our favorite restaurant. the restaurant we went to when we found out we were pregnant ( and pretty much go to every week). sleep….did not come easy. i tossed and turned all night. one moment i woke up and i swear i could see the entire outline of this baby it was moving around so much. i just laid there and prayed for peace in mind and heart and fell asleep savoring the last few hours of kicks i would feel.
and just like that the sun came up and morning is here. we both just laid here staring at the ceiling and joe just looks over and says “happy birthday little buddy”. and isn’t that what today is all about for us? first things first on top of everything else that is unknown it is our child’s official birthday.
as we approach this afternoon and head to the hospital i’m going to ask a few things of you. you have all been so supportive of joey and i during our journey to parenthood through the miscarriages, the joyful news of being pregnant again, the valleys of finding out about the heart condition and then anxiously awaiting the celebration of the arrival. your job is not done yet.
my mom and i were out to lunch on tuesday after she helped me put things away in the nursery and she mentioned praying boldly. i’ve heard that before but did a little more digging into what the meaning is behind that. i came across 1 john 14-15
“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know he hears us-whatever we ask-we know that we have what we asked of him” 1 John 14, 15
pray boldly. my first prayer is bold. that if it be God’s will to have a miracle that baby goldfish albers will be born with a perfect heart. that God has proved doctors and ultrasounds wrong and we witness a miracle today.
pray boldly again. if we are meant in some other way to work out God’s will with the AVSD congenital heart defect, that everything else be ok. let there be no more surprises and that this baby has what we all expected it to have and we can continue down the planned path of care that has been laid out before us.
be brave and courageous. bravery is defined as “ready to face danger our pain, to be courageous” and courage is “the ability to do something that frightens you”. to say that i am frightened and a bit fearful of everything that is to come today is an understatement. i have no shame in admitting yea i’m scared. i have faith in God that he has this but i’m human and i’m scared. i’m scared of the procedure, i’m scared that everything be ok. i’m asking you to pray that joe and i are brave and courageous. if only for a few hours. i’m praying for a sense of peace and calm and a clear mind to handle the choices presented to us today.
and pray boldly one more time. be bold and pray that goldfish flies through the tests with A++++ marks and by later this afternoon the three of us are united back together and can enjoy the first hours of being a family.
if we ask, he will hear us. that is the most calming and assuring thing we can cling to isn’t it? we need your prayers today. we have been so grateful of all the support and we can’t wait to share with you goldfishes arrival.
abby, joe and goldfish (soon to have an actual name)