i remember that book as a kid. and yesterday was everything including a terrible horrible no good very bad day. the icing on the cake was my devotions that morning were about not losing your temper and finding good in these moments. yesterday… i was just weak. no other way to describe it other than i was weak.
after having joe gone for the week last week i was looking forward to my monday routine of going to work and having a day where otto was taken care of and i could pretend to live a sliver of my old life. it usually doesn’t happen because all i think of is otto all day every day but at least i pretend. i was almost to the office when joe called and i could hear otto screaming in the back ground. “otto puked out his feeding tube”. WHAT i said (yelled). “otto was coughing so hard his feeding tube came up out of his mouth so i pulled it out and we have to put it back in”. annoyed. and sad. and angry. i turned around at the next exit and headed to my parents where otto was to be dropped off. i tried to be calm i really did but tears caught up with me in the driveway and i just put my forehead to the steering wheel and let myself be angry for a few minutes. i called the pediatrician because the whole coming out his mouth thing freaked me out and sure enough they wanted to see us. in we went which was reassuring and otto was just fine. we had to put the tube back in and i finally got to work around 1030.
work was rough i felt behind, i can’t get caught up but i’m still trying. every turn and twist just seems to put me farther and farther behind but i’m determined to keep up and keep swimming. joe and i went out for lunch which was nice to calm down and regroup a bit. my mom offered to watch otto later into the evening so we could grab dinner. i got to the restaurant and ordered my drink and waited for joe who was running late when my phone rang. it was my mom and otto was gagging again and having an epic meltdown. i bolted from the restaurant and headed to my parents to calm him down. all was well i just think we all had a bit of PTSD from the mornings events.
we fed him at my parents and made sure everything was good. he was happy and smiley so we headed home. i couldn’t find the temperature taker thing (whatever that’s called, thermometer?) whatever so naturally it was joe’s fault because he didn’t put it back. i apologized. he apologized. and we ended the night with wine, ice cream, the bachelor and left over tater tot casserole.
it’s days like that where you just need to continue to breathe deep throughout the day. accept that it’s just a bad day and close that chapter out and start over. today is already a little better. here is hoping and praying it stays that way.