This week has been full of anxiety with Joe and I slowly dipping our toes in the “real world” and getting back slowly to work, well work outside of the home. Joe and I both spent some time in the office this week while the other stayed home with Otto. We decided we are going to keep him home for a few more weeks until we see what happens to the case counts as our state continues to open up.
It’s so weird being told for three months that you absolutely can’t go out, have to wipe down your groceries, stay home stay safe…to now it’s ok just wash your hands, wear a mask and keep your distance. There was so much unknown with the virus and I feel we are slowly making our way back to functioning at a somewhat normal capacity.
That doesn’t come without anxiety. We are constantly continuing to weigh what is necessary and what is reckless. There is no guide or manual (that I trust) out there to tell you one way or the other. The other anxiety? Not wanting the bad habits of previous “life” to creep back in. We’ve already had to have some serious discussions about that. One thing we truly enjoyed about being home together is having breakfast as a family before we started our day. We decided that was one thing we were going to prioritize and already we’ve skipped it twice. We’ve also not gone on our daily/nightly walk in almost two weeks. These things that kept us going and scheduled during lockdown were things we really cherished and now are being fought to keep in a habit and not thrown by the wayside.
I am mourning the change a bit and I know that we can’t stay on this property all day every day together. Joe and I always say that in the bad, when you are in the thick of things there will always be good memories to reflect on. When we were in the hospital with Otto after heart surgery, nothing felt good. But when I think back on the many nights we sat there until midnight holding otto, eating pizza in his hospital room and watching shark tank together episode after episode I think back on that and smile. It was a safe memory. Even though these past three months of lock down were hard and scary we had so many good moments to enjoy together as a family and I am truly going to miss that as start yet another new routine.
At the end of the day it’s up to us what we decide to allow back into our lives. I’m trying to look at the quarantine as a reset, a chance to start over and decide what is going to get space in my life and brain. As we all are making our way into the world again I hope that we all can continue to move forward and stay safe. It’s ok to be anxious and nervous. But have faith there are good things to continue to come.