happy to be here

first, happy happy, the happiest thanksgiving to you all. thank you for the minutes you spend checking in on us over here at the farm seeing what we’re up to and engaging with us in the day to day. your comments, your time spent, your prayers, we are just so profoundly grateful for you all. this is our second round of holidays being parents and i can honestly say that the greatest gift is being able to be home with our son otto for each and every one. we know all too well that we could be spending it in the hospital or have our time come for the second surgery over one but we have been able to be home every time. God is good.

i used to take thanksgiving for granted over the years. as a child is was pilgrims and indians and then later just another holiday to “make the rounds” and get super full, watch football and shop online. but right away i was jolted into finding the deeper meaning.

it’s hard to believe that 4 years ago we were just starting the early phase of losing our first baby. it was that morning i woke up and something didn’t feel right. i will never forget trying to sneak away 1000 times to make sure everything was still good. that would be a long two month process of loss and it is something that is burned in to my soul and i will never ever forget. if you are experiencing loss, now, yesterday, ten years ago and you are heading in to this holiday with the what if and memories in the back of your mind, you are not alone. you will be in my heart today.

coincidentally we were pregnant with otto 3 years ago. another secret we had to ourselves on thanksgiving. but this one felt different. (and boy oh boy was it) i remember feeling a little uneasy like at anytime the world could be turned upside down (but ha turns out i had like 20 weeks before that happened) but for that moment i was at peace. and thankful to be having another shot at this parenthood thing.

last year was our first thanksgiving with otto. we were fresh out of the hospital (about one month) and so grateful to be home celebrating. he had is NG tube and bottles and bottles of meds but we were HOME. i remember feeling as though my heart could just explode i was so grateful.

and here we are. on our second round. home. last night joe and i  made 90% of our thanksgiving dinner (it’s at our house this year) we laughed and cooked while otto scooted around by us. i even picked him up and watched the butter melt. i could tell he was staring at it so i pointed and said bu bu butter. and he mimicked me. so write it down that my kids next word after mama , dada, get down is not NO but BUTTER. i’m so proud.

so with that we are going to cook our first turkey ever. *gulp eat until we are stuffed, watch football and shop online but be so so so grateful to be doing so at home with family.

happy thanksgiving our dear friends.

joe, abby and otto.