this is hard.
i’ve deleted and retyped that phrase about ten times now. i’m not sure what to say other than this is hard.
it’s constant mental and physical battle and my goodness it’s only 11am.
last night we went over his echo yesterday with one of the doctors who classified the leaky valve as “moderate plus” this is what they classified him as before going into surgery. which to say is disappointing is an understatement. we cried and prayed last night until we drifted off to sleep.
this morning i woke up with a bit more resolve. we are going to take care of this. we are going to be ok. i prayed for a positive attitude and peace of mind and maybe even a good day.
we walked into the room and baby otto was moving around like crazy, crying and uncomfortable. i keep saying to myself this is the worst feeling. wait no this is the worst feeling. but one of the worst feelings is watching your baby struggle against machines and pin pricks and needles and not being able to pick him up and tell him it’s going to be ok.
so instead i stroked his head through the mask and spoke into his ear that we were here for him. that we are in this place with him.
it was discovered that he had a fever of 104 so that brought in more labs, tests and our room is an ice box but it seems to be working and the fever has come down significantly since 6am. his eyes are opening now and we took the cpap mask off and he now has oxygen tube into his nose.
he got an NG tube in again for feeding so after two days little man is starting to get some nourishment.
at rounds this morning they changed up a bunch of his meds to keep blood pressure under control and to get rid of this fever. a little more meds to ease the pain a bit more.
they are hoping to take his chest tubes out today which will bring us one step closer to holding him.
we spoke with the surgeon and they are now just hoping this repair will work for a few years. (hoping for a minimum of 6 months). but there is still a chance that it could work forever. i keep reminding myself that he just had surgery wednesday. the rest of otto thank goodness is looking positive. good heart rate, breathing rate, oxygen level etc. all is not lost.
i keep reminding myself that we still have room for many miracles. and that we still have all of you praying for baby otto all over the world.