i’m not sure i’m in the full mental state to write this post but i’m going to do my best. yesterday seems like 10 years ago and it’s already becoming kind of a blur. but it was unlike anything i have experienced in my life before both good and bad. i’m going to do my best to break it down for you.
yesterday morning we woke up (i use that term loosely because i’m not sure we ever really went to bed) around 5am to get ready for the day. we prayed, snuggled and walked to the surgical check in. we waited in the waiting room by ourselves for about 30 minutes. we were the only ones there it was kind of eery. we were then pulled to a check in area where they took otto’s vitals, reviewed medical history etc. we met the team of doctors, nurses etc and waited to be called back. about 45 minutes later we were walking to the operating room.
i can’t tell you exactly what it was like. i honestly don’t think i can put into words how bad that moment was. i was light headed, my stomach felt airy, i was sweating and crying, my chest was tight and i had the tightest grip on my baby otto. i kept giving him one more hug and kiss, one more hug and kiss, one more hug and kiss. i’m so grateful for the anesthesiologist that looked me square in the eyes and said “i’m a mother too, i know how hard this is. i promise we will take good care of him” and from there she took him back. i felt my knees were going to give in but somehow joe and i walk/ran back to our room in the renucci house and just let ourselves weep before pulling it somewhat together and walking back to the surgical floor waiting room.
the surgery seemed to go really fast. we watched his number change from pre op to surgery to post op the kind nurses coming out to give us updates about what step they were on (anesthesia, bypass, etc). i thought we had a while to go yet around 1pm so i quick ran back to the room to pump when joe called and said the doctor was out to talk to us. my stomach dropped. something is wrong, that was way too fast, why is he out already!? i literally ran back to the room. i swear i almost pushed people out of my way.
i got to the waiting room and went to the consult room where joe and the doctor were meeting. i was about mid explanation trying to figure out what happened when joe grabbed my arm and said “hold on, abby it’s ok it’s good”. i felt like a 2 ton weight that was on my chest had been lifted and i could finally pay attention.
long story short the doctor explained that when they opened otto up the situation was much worse than they thought. he originally thought we were going to have to do a replacement right away because it was so bad but they didn’t have something small enough. however our skillful surgeon did a little bit more digging and found a way to solve the problem. he ended up doing many more stitches than he was hoping but miraculously it worked. you guys, this is a miracle. otto had the worst case scenario and ended with the best case scenario. that does not happen on it’s own. that was God hearing our prayers and using otto for miraculous works.
for the past two months during feedings i’ve made it a point to pray with otto while we are waiting for the feeding tube to empty. we repeated these words over and over each time, “dear God, bless this boy. heal his heart. make him better. dear God please give us a miracle for full healing. Otto, why a miracle? because it never hurts to ask”.
yesterday was just a miracle. and i can say i’ve never witnessed one that close to me before.
i walked out of that room with my mouth hanging open. joe and i were behind a wall and just hugged and cried.
we walked out and shared the good news with our family and we just were so overjoyed. we had to wait a few hours to see him in the PICU so we grabbed something to eat in the food court and headed up to the PICU waiting room. we were finally allowed to see our little man.
he was fully sedated and hooked up to a million different things but he seriously looked so good. so so good. he got his breathing tube out around 1opm last night but still ended up needing some help so he has a tiny little cpap mask on but they are hopeful even that can come off later.
he is showing signs this morning that he is our little otto in there. he hates things on his feet and even though he’s sedated kicks his blankets off. he also refused any paci except the one we brought from home so around 11pm last night i ran up here with it.
we have another echo (ultrasound) this morning to see how the surgery is holding up. we need to pray that the stitches are holding up and that he doesn’t develop heavy scaring making the valve immobile. either of these cases would cause him to go back into surgery and probably get a replacement valve. i’m so hopeful that he is going to continue to fight and that God is going to continue to use him to do good works. i will let you know what we hear today.
everyone, i don’t know how to express our gratitude for you. you all play such an integral role in ottos life, surgery and recovery. i firmly believe because we flooded heaven’s inbox with prayers for otto that things turned out as good as they have. seriously i’ve received emails and messages that people were praying for otto not only all over the U.S but Australia, New Zealand, France and Italy. it was amazing and we are humbled and honored. please keep them coming. we are going to bust out of here!