you can add taking your child for surgery to the list of things nobody should have to go through. we are preparing the farm for others who graciously offered to watch it for us, cleaning the house, doing that last load of laundry and packing our bags for the hospital. these tasks are taking me three times as long because i just can’t put otto down. he’s so alert and awake and snuggles his head to my chest and wraps my hair around his tiny fingers, pulls it down then wraps it up again. he coos and smiles and i just look at him and wonder how could there possibly be anything wrong with my sweet boy?
the moments are usually rudely and abruptly interrupted by an intense coughing and choking attack, he breaks out into a sweat, winces and turns a deep shade of red before coming back, calming down and returns to smiling. i am then reminded as to just why we have to do this. so sweet otto can be well. as a mother it just makes you so angry that his big gummy smiles are spaced between these episodes.
he’s to the point where he barely eats on his own anymore and cannot be on his back at all anymore. i kiss his forehead and my lips tingle from the salt of his heavy sweat on his head. all of these thing lead us to the “see you later door” at the hospital for his heart surgery. it’s a kick in the teeth when the cardiologist tells you it’s time for surgery because your baby is in the early stages of heart failure. it’s scary as heck. but it’s also a very clear non negotiable warning that you cannot wait any longer.
yesterday our surgeon called me himself to make sure i understood everything because i asked the pre admission nurse a question about the actual name of his surgery on the consent form. it is so comforting to know he knows otto by name and genuinely cares that we all understand this going in. he again reassured me that otto needs to be well and this is the only thing that will make him well. no more meds and getting by.. it’s time for him to be well.
while yes i’m terrified and dreading tomorrow morning i have this odd sense of peace. my job is to advocate for otto and find him what i feel to be the best possible care and to get him to that “see you later door” for surgery which i will do tomorrow morning. i have peace because i know that otto has an army of people praying for his safety, healing and well being. it is so comforting to joe and i for all of you who tell us that you are praying for our son. i feel at peace because our surgeon is confident and i feel we’ve already witnessed a miracle with the change in plans for his surgery (replacement vs. repair). i feel at peace because i know that God will be there with us. that while we must wait behind the doors he will follow otto in and hold him throughout the entire process.
so many of you have asked how you can help. pray. just pray.
tomorrow our check in is at 630am and surgery is set to begin at 830am.
please pray that the surgery goes smooth. that otto goes through it with flying colors
please pray that otto’s condition surprises the doctor at how much better it is. pray for a miracle that minimal surgery to his heart is needed
please pray for complete and total healing of otto’s heart. that we do not need to do this again and that the doctor completely fixes his issue.
please pray that recovery goes smooth and fast for otto. that he feels minimal pain and this will all be a blur.
please pray for our doctor, his team, the nurses and everyone in that hospital who will be working with otto.
and if you have time, please pray for joe and i who will be in the waiting room waiting for the moment where we can see otto again.
i am again reminded of david and the goliath and the devotional that what shared with me. david never feared the size of the giant because he was confident in the size of his God.
tomorrow we are ready to face our giant.